So, again, unless she specifically says it’s cool, probably best to keep any mentions of family members during sex to a minimum. Unless you’ve discussed it beforehand and your partner is OK with it, there is absolutely zero reason to boss your partner around or demand that they perform certain sex acts. That can lead to her feeling pressured or coerced into doing things she doesn’t want to do, and there’s nothing sexy about that. In the post-#MeToo dating world, dirty talk can be a minefield. Here’s how to do it in a way that’s respectful — and sexy. On a day-to-day basis, for example, no woman wants to be called a slut, bitch, little girl, or slave.
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😈Describe what you’re “doing” right now.
Or rehash old memories of the best sexual experiences you’ve had IRL, whether with your current partner or a previous one (though of course be conscientious of omitting details that could spark jealousy). Actually a great place for all beginners to start (especially if you’re shy) is to simply get more comfortable with platonic sexual communication, Horn says. Start talking more openly about your sex life with receptive friends. Just being more comfortable expressing your sexuality through language is a big step.
How do I talk dirty?
“Fire for You” by Cannons is playing in the background. The first time I watched it, I thought, “OMG that song is the one.” It’s the only one that can spice up the mood all day, every day. Dirty talk falls into the category of “nice to have but not necessary.” It adds to the intensity and it really does turn me on, which exponentially adds to my pleasure. When I masturbate, I rely on erotic stories, sounds, and moans. So, if it feels uncomfortable, pressured, or just not right, change your approach. Try to do it lighter, or don’t use particular triggers, or simply take a breather, talk it out, and then try it again.
In the heat of the moment, try these mood-enhancers…
- Trying to think of an elaborate narrative while at the same time trying to remain present and enjoy the moment can feel like mental gymnastics.
- Jennifer Litner, sexologist and founder of Embrace Sexual Wellness, says before you talk dirty to your partner, get their consent.
- As you can see, dirty talk fantasies are quite common—and there is a rich psychology behind them.
- “Sometimes it’s easier to get started when the ideas are coming from an outside source,” she says.
Once things have scaled from foreplay to intense sexual tension, change up the dirty talk. In addition to verbal cues, she also highly recommends that people be on the lookout for non-verbal cues too, as these can be vital to gauge the comfort levels of someone. “Be clear of the line between playful nudging and coercion.
You can also try on different sex positions or acts—like anal sex or learning how to squirt during sex—by including them in your word play first. Depending on your and your partner’s reactions, you might discover dirty things to physically explore later. From here, people can figure out a non-sexual time to explore what type of dirty talk they prefer and how it makes them feel.
“Sexy talk can help a person feel more comfortable with their sexual selves and help them explore different sexual activities or topics before acting on them,” says L. Kris Gowen, PhD, a sexuality educator, researcher, and co-host of the podcast B4U Swipe. This week, Jess invites professional sex educator (and professional pervert), Carly S., to the podcast.
Sometimes it can be difficult figuring out what you want to say next when you’re learning how to dirty talk. If you remember to go through your senses, that’s made a lot easier. It’s easier to use dirty talk when you are in a committed, trusting relationship.
When sexting, “keep the conversation light and playful, and if your partner suggests something you don’t think you’d like, simply say so without shaming [them],” says Buehler. “But I can use language to describe what I love about how they feel in my arms, the way they smell, the experience of them tasting me.” So much communication happens virtually these days via texting, Skypeing, and social media.
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