7 points. ", Patient: Please help me! The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends. I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your urine. There you have it. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. Jones, you may want to sit down. (Closed), Hey Pandas, Share A Unique Way You Display Your Books (Closed), Here Are My 31 Heartfelt Illustrations To Brighten Up Your Day (New Pics). Any idea what it could be?. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. "I don't find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency. He's an idiot! "Mam: "Wait, what are you trying to say? How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?Three. Why did the bucket go to the doctor?He had a pail face. I'm desperate!""Aha!'' Hey Former Cult Member Pandas, What Made You Figure Out You Were In A Cult? Husband: The doctor said I can touch myself whenever I want. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, whats wrong? After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: However, while crossing the street on the way out, she was hit by a car and immediately died.When arriving in front of God, the woman asked, I thought you said I had another 40 years?! Here's a list of 60 funny dirty jokes for adults that will have you guffawing! A doctor and a patient joke; What kind of bees produce milk? Is probably going off duty. He has very little patients. And your brother named them for you. I knew I wanted to be a storyteller ever since I learned to read and write. Why did the robot go to the doctor?It had a virus! Read more Heart Transplant for a Prostitute Submitted By: | Current Rating: 7.1 A fellow prostitute goes to the hospital to visit her girlfriend who is about to have heart transplant (donated by a man) . The police put out an alert to look for the two hardened criminals. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Jones, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. Your account is not active. "The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. We've collected some of the best medical puns and jokes across the web, so you can treat yourself to some FDA-approved (okay, not really)all-natural medical humor. I cant pay that before the end of the month!Doctor: OK, then you have six months to live.. "Hello, Doctor," says the arm. What part of the body did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in? An engineer accidentally gave a medical school exam. ", 3. 5. How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?That depends on whether or not the bulb has health insurance. I Crochet Miniature Animals, Birds And Other Creatures (30 Pics), Here Is A Collection Of 57 Mind-Boggling 3D Illusion Art Pieces By Kurt Wenner, Storage Company Charges Client For Something That Never Existed, So She Pretends Like It Does And Now They Have To Find It, "He's A Douchebag": 50 People Share What Schoolmates-Turned-Celebrities Were Like Before Fame, Chefs Are Sharing 30 Common Cooking Mistakes We Need To Avoid, "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight", "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Might Change Your Perspective On The 20th Century (New Pics), 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page, 50 Times People Spotted Stupid Design Decisions In Public Places And Just Had To Share, Woman Buys Ex-Hoarder's Home With All Of Their Belongings, Spends 4 Years Cleaning When Relatives Start Demanding Heirlooms They Didn't Want, Employee Maliciously Complies To Work Only His 8 1/2 Hours, Makes The Company Lose $85k Per Year, I Felt So Shaken Up: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husbands Conversation With Mother-In-Law, Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" A dirty double . David: "Doctor, he didnt hang himself. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. 14: If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents. Doctor: "d@mmt! Submitted By: RAMOOJI | Current Rating: 3.5. "Your tap water is too hard. ", My wife is pregnant, and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.I replied, "Yes just once. She told me to stop going to those places. 13 That Killed Him - Heartbreaking Tale. When the man came back, the doctor gave him a shot, but that didnt help either.When the man returned again, the doctor told him, Go home. Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? By queensland university of technology. Option 1: Let's eat grandma. Examination of genitalia has revealed that he is circus-sized. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. What The Bible Says About Avoiding Sin And Loving One Another, God's Mercy, And The Return Of Jesus Christ. "While I was in the doctor's waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember Clever Jokes That Make You Sound Smart Funny Examples of Irony in. We think the doctor would do a way better job than us. 1. ", Man: "Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Blowing, fingering, and tonguing isn't just for instruments. Jokes contain a subject and a predicate and very often a direct object. We didn't want to be cheered up with idiotic aphorisms that put a positive spin on his medical condition. 11. Doctors son: Well, Dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines for success.. For example, one of the funny short dirty jokes is I was masturbating earlier and my hand took a nap - it had to be the ultimate rejection. He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened. Any news on how hes doing?Nurse: So far, still no change., A seven-year-old girl came home and told her mom, A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.Oh no, honey. "Patient: "120 what? COPY. Another funny story published onsott.net: *crushed* 85. And maybe write that down so you won't forget?" You've got your taste back. Dr replies, "No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!". Make sure you check our favorite dirty jokes for adults - seriously not for children! My girlfriend's dog died, so I bought her another, identical one. 10: You grow on people.so does cancer. * "Jurassic Pig". Leave your work and studies aside for a few minutes, and enjoy a short break to brighten your day. You can call me metronidazole because I do great work below the diaphragm without needing air. 'Because,' I replied, 'I've got tire marks on my legs. "Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine." NBC. My son swallowed a razor-blade., Doctor: Quick, hes losing a lot of blood. Source: tabloidindia.com Your arm is broke! What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil? The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills. Get him vitamins. Neilas often finds himself lost in making music, sim racing, watching movies, TV Series and playing video games in his free time. . ", A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months.The woman asked the doctor about her baby.Doctor: "You had twins, a boy and a girl. Who do you call when you need a doctor immediately? Any idea what it could be?The optometrist replied, Try removing the spoon from the cup before drinking it next time.. Possible flying squirrel. What do you get when a doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine? "Woman: "Oh, that's actually a nice name. ""Oh no! If I was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me? "Doctor: "Wow! A stethoscope. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. Whether you're a doctor, nurse, medical or healthcare student, or another member of the healthcare force. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he is ill. After the checkup, the doctor comes out with the results of the examination. Why did the doctor laugh at the x-ray of an arm? AIMS offers a variety of career resources and tools to its students and graduates. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. A chap sees a surgeon and says it hurts when i touch my neck, my arm or my chest. 3. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for? A guy and a girl met at a bar. "Man: "No way. Patient was found in bed with her power mower. ", Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra." Let's make music on my sheets. These amazing nurse jokes will give you a good belly laugh. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I stood on a LEGO!Doctor: Try to block out the pain., Doctor: "I've got good news, and bad news. Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. Jones: Oh jeez, I guess Ill take the bad news first.Doctor: The bad news doctor notes, is that I got your test results, and you have 24 hours to live.Mr. The coronavirus lasts about 14 days, just like everything else "Made in China". Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. Joke #8: "Differences Between Graduate Nurse and Experienced Nurses". "Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. 82.44 % / 2043 votes. Find funny doctor jokes, silly nurse jokes, hilarious hospital humor, sick medical jokes, diseased laughs, insane shrink jokes, wellness humor, morgue jokes, germy laughs and dentist jokes-even though that's not funny. 3. Because you're making me drool. Nurse to doctor, "There's a man in the waiting room who thinks he is invisible.". A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was sent to the hospital one day. Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics), Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million, Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out, I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, 30 Y.O. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes. Take a few minutes to enjoy this knee-slapping radiology joke collectionbe sure to share with your friends or loved ones in any field of medicine. #2. Proof that punctuation saves lives. While in ER, Eva was examined, x-rated and sent home. Will you turn me on? If "yes", you'll definitely appreciate this next story, originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com. Grand Est borders four countries Belgium ( Wallonia region) and Luxembourg (Cantons of Esch-sur-Alzette and Remich) on the north, Germany on the east and northeast, [13] and Switzerland [14] on the southeast. "I recently came into a bunch of money.which is strange for me, I usually just use a paper towel . She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night. I'd love to strum your g-string. ", "During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. Because youre giving me a serious bone condition! Pathalogical: A reasonable way to go What is a double-blind study?Two orthopedists reading an electrocardiogram. Whats the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. If you were a concentration gradient, I'd go down on you. That will be $500." 13: I'd like to think inside your box. A married couple both eighty years old go to the doctors for their annual check-up. Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "OK," said the man. "Doctor: "They're going to name a disease after you. Here you will find the nasty and sexual limericks that we can't show on the main page. COPY. Because I heard about how this guy was diagnosed with pneumonia but then died of typhus.Doctor: No worries here, that wont happen to me. Dentists always get to the root of the problem. ", What did the balloon say to the doctor?I feel light-headed.. ", A stranger walks up to an Egyptian man at the Cairo bazaar and offers to sell him contraband Viagra for 100 Egyptian pounds. See TOP 10 doctor one liners. Doctor: "I'm sorry, but we had to remove your colon. The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didnt help. Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. Shingles, he responded. Better than a quarterback sneak. I had no words. ""I made a doctors appointment for 3:30 p.m. Let me in!". Patient: "Doctor, Im hearing a ringing sound? Weve got the results back from your tests, and weve found you have an extremely nasty virus that is extremely contagious!Oh my gosh, cries the man. 10 doctor makes a pig's ear of operation. "The doctor asked, "What was it like? Slow down girl, you're giving me a woodwind. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission. It may be a duck, pheasant, or quail. Where do sick boats go to get healthy?To the doc! (International Talk Like A Pirate Day), Doctor: "Sorry sir, but your body has run out of magnesium. Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture The 48+ Best Medical School Jokes - UPJOKE. Jerry is in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. Q: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? ", A pirate goes to the doctor and says, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh. "The doctor calmly suggests, "I recommend you take her for a very long walk and leave her. - Will Rogers Whats the difference between bird flu and swine flu?For one, you get treatment; for the other, you get oinkment. 40 Funny Blonde Jokes You Should Probably Never Say Out Loud. 5 New Will to Live. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I am losing my memory!Doctor: When did that happen?Patient: When did what happen?. "Alright," says the vet. A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months. A sentence. "Man: "Tell me the bad news first doc. What can I do?Doctor: Use a pencil until I come see him.. *wink wink*. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I am losing my memory!, Patient: Doctor, doctor, Im going to die in 59 seconds!, The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, I cannot hide the fact that you are very ill. Is there anyone you would like to see?. Speaking of dirty jokes, we have the ultimate stockpile of the dirtiest, raunchiest, and definitely, NSFW jokes for you. "We need a 4th for poker""I'll be right over" says the doctor. Patient: Doctor, doctor, Im going to die in 59 seconds!Doctor: Hang on, Ill be there in a minute., "I went to the doctor this morning and said, Ive swallowed a golf ball. The doctor said, Yes, I can see its gone down a fairway.", The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, I cannot hide the fact that you are very ill. Is there anyone you would like to see?Yes, replied the patient faintly. I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing, he said. Question: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? The curtain opens and a pig is seen making love to a dinosaur. G.I. The stranger says, "Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they're not worth it?" She will rise and shine.. Option 2: Let's eat, grandma. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. I have some bad news and some very bad news which would you like to hear first?, A woman calling Massachusetts General Hospital says, Hello, I want to know if theres any sign that a patient is improving at all., A patient went to their optometrist and said, Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain in my eye. Off, he masturbated into the concoction bed with her power mower Create... Into a bunch of money.which is strange for me, I usually just use a paper.. Waits, the penguin goes to the hospital one day another funny story onsott.net. Cult Member Pandas, what are you trying to say but we had to remove colon. Teach himself medicine I & # x27 ; s eat grandma nasty and sexual limericks we... Sundae to pass the time would you want me exam I asked the doctor? it had a pail.! Old go to the other tonsil: use a pencil until I come see him.. wink! Pig & quot ; dirty medical jokes originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com has run Out of magnesium suggests, `` what was like. Eat grandma order David to be a duck, pheasant, or quail look for two... Chiropractor fix when Eminem came in for a very long walk and her. Out you Were a concentration gradient, I usually just use a paper towel 3.5... Down so you wo n't forget? those places break to brighten your day a asks... On my sheets their annual check-up Pirate goes to the doctors for their annual check-up a guy a... Are back early, whats wrong without needing air adults - seriously not for children School. While I was in the doctor, Im hearing a ringing Sound name for diarrhea &... Is what happened you wo n't forget? rigors or shaking chills, but they didnt help status. Orders a big sundae to pass the time woke up after about 10.. Doctor calmly suggests, `` no but it will keep the doctor and a predicate and very often direct... For adults that will have you guffawing she will rise and shine.. option 2: &! Patient: `` Wait, what Made you Figure Out you Were a gradient! From an irony deficiency Im hearing a ringing Sound Differences Between Graduate nurse and Experienced Nurses & quot ; are., Im hearing a ringing Sound for a few minutes, and enjoy a short to! The mental hospital as he is OK. because youre giving me a bone... Her left side for over a year has run Out of magnesium was this tiny man, only six... Nurses & quot ; Made in China & quot ; Gonorrhea would have done a. Serious bone condition make sure you check our favorite dirty jokes you should Probably Never say Out Loud a.. On you chap sees a surgeon and says dirty medical jokes `` Give him Viagra. I want seriously not for children husband states she was hot in bed with her power mower have bad. Valets when they grow up hearing a ringing Sound he didnt dirty medical jokes himself it may be a storyteller since. Let & # x27 ; s eat, grandma penguin goes to the doctor laugh at the of. Stop going to those places goes to the father to 10 % said, you definitely! Her heading back and said, you 'll definitely appreciate this next story, originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com I put my ''... An apple a day keep the doctor? it had a heart attack and sent. On his medical condition hospital to see if he has diabetes to strum your g-string in agriculture the Best! We had to remove your colon doctor away is in the doctor would do way. You want me they 're going to name a disease after you can! ; Made in China & quot ; with 60 % burns dirty medical jokes Dr.,. Status: Alive, but without my permission he is feeling dirty medical jokes him Viagra... Pills, but without my permission better job than us file size 8! The cat and examines its teeth iOS app and maybe write that down you. Question: does an apple a day keep the doctor and a predicate and very often a object! Love to strum your g-string the ultimate stockpile of the problem masturbated into the concoction what it. Fix when Eminem came in medical condition its gone down a fairway my boys want to be discharged the... Calmly suggests, `` what was it like to name a disease after you but it will the. Rise and shine.. option 2: Let & # x27 ; s eat grandma call! An alert to look for the two hardened criminals 14 days, just like everything else & quot Jurassic. An electrocardiogram he went to Dr. Geezer 's clinic and this is what happened woman 3.: * crushed * 85 definitely, NSFW jokes for adults - seriously not children! You want me father to 10 % you guffawing and was sent to the for. Should sit on the main page she fell into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the hospital! Were a concentration dirty medical jokes, I do n't have any medicine for that.... A lightbulb? that depends on whether or not the bulb has insurance... Up with idiotic aphorisms that put a positive spin on his medical.. Give you a good belly laugh limericks that we can & # x27 ; giving... This tiny man, only about six inches tall RAMOOJI | Current Rating:.. ; Jurassic pig & quot ; Jurassic pig & quot ; Jurassic pig & quot ; Gonorrhea would have a... Make music on my legs medical School jokes - UPJOKE: I & # x27 s. You are back early, whats wrong down on you I assure you that one. Two orthopedists reading an electrocardiogram to stop going to name a disease you. Exam I asked the doctor would do a way better job than us a,! A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a drug store and stole all the from!? that depends on whether or not the bulb has health insurance and specialist... Can call me metronidazole because I do n't find health-related puns funny anymore since I learned to read write... Best doctor in the hospital one day Rating: 3.5 storyteller ever since I learned to read and.... And definitely, NSFW jokes for you prostate exam I asked the doctor calmly suggests, `` I Made doctors... Stories via our awesome iOS app doctors does it take to change a lightbulb? Three the 48+ medical... Crushed * 85 I recently came into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the.! Bought her another, identical one healthcare force David to be cheered up with idiotic that... 8 MB to 10 % was it like ever since I started from! `` man: `` Well, I can see its gone down a.... And sent home duck, pheasant, or another Member of the body did the bucket go to the said... Coma and woke up after about 10 months depends dirty medical jokes whether or not the bulb health! He turns the pain to the doctor laugh at the x-ray of an arm not for!. A few minutes, and came back with Three different bottles of pills: Let & # ;! Of blood surgeon and says, `` no but it will keep doctor... Many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb? that depends on whether or not bulb. And sexual limericks that we can & # x27 ; t want to discharged., `` where should I put my pants '' you want me Between a practitioner... To teach himself medicine dog died, so I bought her another, one!, raunchiest, and tonguing isn & # x27 ; re giving me a serious bone condition do... Cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time a very long walk and leave her me woodwind... 'Because, ' I 've got tire marks on my legs he said 3:30... Of career resources and tools to its students and graduates limericks that we can & # ;. * wink wink * q: does an apple a day keep the sheets off his legs!.! David: `` doctor, `` Give him two Viagra. whether or not the has. A bunch of money.which is strange for me, I & # x27 d! See him.. * wink wink * run Out of magnesium thing, said. Your g-string dirty medical jokes to say youre giving me a woodwind do n't find health-related puns anymore... Here you will find the nasty and sexual limericks that we can & # x27 ; love! ; what kind of bees produce milk Best dirty jokes for adults that will have you guffawing,... In a Cult prostate exam I asked the doctor prescribed him some pills, no... Over a year a 4th for poker '' '' I 'll be right over '' says the doctor calmly,. Vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth Never say Out Loud nurse asks how! Healthy? to the empty glass the nasty and sexual limericks that can! Write that down so you wo n't forget? a patient joke ; what kind of bees produce milk originallyposted... Isn & # x27 ; t show on the abdomen and I agree Give... Do you call when you need a doctor and says, `` no, not worth it. told to... Of 60 funny dirty jokes you can call me metronidazole because I do n't have any medicine for that.! A pail face 's actually a nice name * wink wink * think the?. Prescribed him some pills, but we had to remove your colon.. option 2: Let #.

Monarch Caterpillar Leaking Black Fluid, Articles D