June 18, 2015, 11:21 am. It makes sense for the letter writer not to delay graduation or accumulate debt or dip into savings during a temporary situation if they were ultimately planning on living with the MIL, anyway. Why do I feel like I hate my husband? Maybe because he stopped making an effort to look great. If a new spouse cannot accept that, in my humble opinion (IMHO as the new generation says), the relationship is doomed. Get her somewhere with regular care or take care of her, just quit using her for her money. Why do I feel like I hate my husband? The harsh truth is that you have a vague and unrealistic idea of marriage. But if this happens frequently, you must ask yourself, Why do I feel like I hate my husband?. It sounds like she may have lasting effects from her stroke (judgment issues, memory issues, etc) and who knows, maybe she has other issues as well. Apparently she moved in with their dad when he left. I Hate My Husband For Cheating on Me - Tips and Advice That May Help. What Happens When There Is Lack of Attention in Relationship? How come you suddenly dislike your husband or slowly hating my husband? Also, I saw my mom naked all the time. Hiring live in care, or convincing your MIL to move to an assisted living center nearby where she can be taken care of by people who are equipped to do so may be the most benefical to everyone, particularly her. Maybe next time fucking wait till you have your shit together? There is a picture of myself and my grandma when I was about 4, so right after her stroke, and we are baking and placing M&Ms on some cookies about to go in the oven. . So Im glad you are able to access some of that sympathy for the letter writer. Yesterday, I received an email from a woman who was overcome with negative emotions. I know its tempting to ask how the hell did LW get herself into this situation?, but the more important question is how to get out of it. Wow, well I do think this response is pretty harsh. Now maybe its just me, but I would think any woman would be absolutely thrilled to see her husband follow through with a promise, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. can help resolve some of the tension between you and your partner. Maybe before moving in with her (for free) she should have visited? Slooooow clap for Wendy!!! The best way to show you love your partner is through respect. TaraMonster I wouldnt either (especially with her issues with falls and a newborn). I have compassion for both LW and her MIL. The husband has a responsibility to both children to keep them safe, and that includes not allowing his mother to harm them, even if unintentionally. Eh, somebody would probably be far less stressed out (and hopefully much less bitchy) had she NOT decided to have yet another baby while both she and her husband are, apparently unemployed, broke, oh, and uh, homeless. But realistically, it sounds like it was just that you lived separately and helped her out less? February 24, 2017, 11:06 am. But instead of attacking your MIL, you should be looking for solutions. Imagine how shocking it is to hear some wives say, I hate my husband so much. What could be the reason for this statement, and what can you do? She probably should have figured this out sooner but she didnt. I feel like we need to try harder to see all sides here. RedRoverRedRover Well, it turns out that his mom felt attacked. Are you stressed, frustrated, overwhelmed, or confused? There are ways to work this out without going crazy or ruining your marriage. Also, they offer proven methods that will save your marriage. She spent a good 10-11 years there and couldnt talk, write, speakI mean, I never had a full conversation with her. Hey MIL, I am a little concerned because of your health problems about the safety of the baby, but Id love if youd help with XYZ when you can and if you want to. Well how nice of you to presume to know that about me. something random We've always had communication and problem resolution issues. No wonder she keeps herself in her room all day. The issue isnt about hating your partner. These were her decisions to make. Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram. . It may be that her attitude needs some adjusting, perhaps due to the immediate stress of the babys impending arrival. How come you suddenly dislike your husband or slowly hating my husband? ChickenNugget If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. If you and your husband stop talking about personal issues frequently, it may affect your feelings for him. Its really not that hard. This is likely how she will always be, and she will likely require heavy amounts of care for the rest of her life. Well, thats just the shittiest. . Is there a senior center in your community? Its awesome even without him on the way But my mom and I are really freakishly close (think Gilmore girls) so were odd that way. And you really need to discuss with your husband how he can fulfill his promise to take care of his mother without sacrificing your nuclear familys safety and comfort. He refuses even to consider counseling. That is pretty much human decency to help your parents out as they age and cant handle everything themselves. But now I get it- Husband promised his mother to take care of her, like, physically, not just help out and such. She cant be left alone with a baby, not even holding a baby while the parent walks into the next room. June 18, 2015, 1:07 pm. will crumble because living together often shows us their new traits. It happened to my cousins daughter, although she wasnt pregnant. Understanding why you feel resentment in your marriage is the first step to understanding the full spectrum of emotions you harbor and deciding where your. Avail years best deals on our marriage courses! On top of all that, she has a bad memory and the worst judgment and I dont want my daughter or newborn to be around her. 3 Detrimental Effects of Lack of Communication in Marriage, Marriage Is Not About Your Happiness but Is About Compromise, The Importance of Date Night in a Marriage and Tips to Make It Happen, Indeed, you are lovers, but that doesnt take away the place of respect. Giving care is one thing. Ive seen some wonderfully compassionate but at the same time get-your-shit-together blunt responses to folks who needed to be knocked upside the head multiple times, and Im not sure why those morons deserve the compassion but this lady does not. When spouses dont respect each other, they stop being responsible. But who among us isn't? Maybe a cut would have occured, but not anything as dramatic as the LW presents. No matter how much you love your spouse, there will be days when you hate their guts. You could find a place nearby so your husband could still go over regularly. Id suggest putting a child gate across the door to grandmas room but grandma might not be able to open and close it and certainly doesnt sound able to step over it. All Im saying, a lot of this responses are piling on the LW and telling her to have sympathy for her MIL (which is true, she needs to find that and take on a more compassionate view of the situation) while at the same time being pretty unsympathetic to what the LW is going through. ? Its all well and good to lecture about having compassion for the stroke victim but LWs first priority needs to be the safety and well being of her minor children. Accept that he can never be the charming prince you see on the television. The famous statement that marriage isnt a bed of roses comes true here. June 18, 2015, 10:27 am. Sell the property if necessary to get out of the situation. But how many people here have actually taken care of an ungrateful, belligerent, careless, angry (through no fault of their own) in-law for years on end? And I do think there is a contradiction on the part of the LW in accepting support but being unwilling to return it in kind. Learning what to do when you hate your spouse involves limiting your exposure to crashed and, 7 Ways to Feel Better When Someone Hurts You, When you hate your husband so much, could there be another person? This is because this attitude of his not only spoils the mood of the people around him but it is also not the same as before. What is a Revocable Living Trust for a Married Couple? i hate my husband because of his mother santa margherita chianti classico 2014 intertops sports betting i hate my husband because of his mother May 10, 2022 We were always responsible for working around her illness and walking on eggshells. Life is unpredictable, and marriage is full of surprises. She could have written in about the husband and issues with navigating her MILs care and left everything else out. If she does in fact have mental health issues, whether or not they are consequent to the stroke, they should be assessed and addressed appropriately, but that doesnt excuse her demanding and entitled behaviour either. June 18, 2015, 10:11 am. If these things suddenly stop in marriage, you may hate your husband. But because of that I would never move in with either of my parents for free rent either. Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. LW, you are basically saying you want your husband to break his promise because his life has changed and things arent as easy now as they were when he first made it. Of course this is family (a parent! Marriage is an exciting experience for most people. I want to know how messed up the husband is from how shitty of a mother he had. Go right back to when you used to love your husband. I just dont really feel that bad for her. Instead, engage in healthy and thoughtful communication to solve the problem. This article will provide the answers you need. As a result, you begin to project your fears on your husband and marriage. They had to know going in what the situation would be like, but hey! Well, you need to embrace both the good and the bad. You can even lead by replicating some of those times. Like other things in life, it has its problems. Raccoon eyes Built in babysitter/dogsitter right next door! Nicole I think leaving when she no longer needs the financial help from the MIL and washing her hands of it just makes her seem crappy. TaraMonster And I hate that because I love my husband so much and it would break my heart if he disliked my mom so much..but yet my mom and his are complete opposites. I guess Im one the posters that understands how stressful and difficult this situation must be for LW. He needs to adequately defend their needs and manage boundaries. Our first responsibility is ALWAYS to our minor children. Thats not to say that I think they shouldnt fulfill their familial duties to the MIL. That one could be real, it almost happened to me once (not while I was pregnant). Marriage doesnt mean you stopped treating your partner like you used to when you were courting. Jeez, I think these responses are kind of harsh. He has directly told me that Im simply hormonal and Im just using my childrens safety as an excuse to get my way. 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