Cultivate friends and have your own super bowl parties and holiday dinners.I Remind them that even though he is the childrens dad, that is all he is. I felt a little validation there. He hurt me!!! A large part of your Ex wanting to cozy up, (more than ever it seems) to your side of the family, is what someone else wrote- they are narcissistic and they know part of it is to shut you out, and show your family how great he/she is and that the breakup was more your fault than theirs because he/she is such a great person. Anyway, looking now, its been 9 years in October that we split and 6 years divorced. THAT plus all the years of covert abuse makes them most definitely unworthy and unacceptable company. I promise to share the good work of your temple once my husband return back to me, Thing dont just work out until you make the right choice in your life, I made the right choice when i contacted priest manuka for help in restoring my broken marriage. After years of angst I felt we had become one extended family until I left my abusive husband and it seemed to me that my fathers original wounds from my mother leaving were reawakened and I became the scapegoat for his and that side of the families judgement. I never want to see my sister again, thats not family, (same situation, also a tid bit different.) I was starting to think I was the only one going through this maddening circumstance. Put yourself in the drivers seat and start organizing things how you want them to be. To be able to act so cruelly to a blood relative is just abusive. All that stated, it sounds like you miss your family and life is short so repair what you can and make the most of it. The best revenge is a life well lived, so show your ex that you are whole and happy even around him by getting the support you need. After reading the original post and seeing the many responses, I feel so much better because I know I am not alone in this. My ex and I co-parent well but I just dont want to be around him. Her husband is still talking to my ex against my wishes. The SIL is a tool and thatll never change. Why should my brother go over to my Dads to try and get him to take an interest when my abusive ex still visits and might be there? I actually did ask my Mom to not engage so much with him, she basically flat out told me no. And that they had something going on longer than I thought. I confronted my family members about the situation and I was met with resistance and belittled. My heart aches for you. You hate him. I havent went to my daughters bday parties that my ex and my mom throw together because my ex hates me. I am in the same boat kind of.. "text": "Even though it hurts me badly to hear of all the things my ex, my kids, and my family do together all the time, I never say anything about it to my kids. he started dating me when he still liked her/had a thing for her. I dont mean romantic, exactly. Well, I divorced 16 years ago, after only 8 years of turmoil where I attempted suicide three times and all counts were unsuccessful (stupid, you would say ha!) But I have said nothing negative about him to his family, and remain respectful about him in his absence. I hadnt had an affair before leaving. She is helping him fight against you?! I believe the ex is being manipulative and enjoys causing my husband to be left out. Why would an ex want to drive a wedge between his ex and her own family? She sits with them for family events (graduations, etc), and doesnt speak to me. Although not on holidays its separate. My parents are in their 70s and I know that what they did was wrong, I cant understand why no one else understood this. But now she gets it, now she understands. Black News and Black Views with a Whole Lotta Attitude. I too am going through a divorce, later in life, but I understand your emotions. People only take what other people allow them to take, in interpersonal situations like this. Because as a human being, you cant forget someone youve loved just like 123. Like 7 years before I knew either of them. In retrospect I think it caused huge problems. Your reply also suggests that a) you have been an abusive person in a relationship and/or b) someone close to you has cut you off due to your behaviour or c) you are stuck in an abusive relationship yourself and wildly defensive against those of us who break free because it makes you feel uncomfortable on a subconscious level. Seems like the author is the problem in this situation. I was mentally and physically unwell with no access to money or transport. However, there isnt peace about it, I miss my family and have no dealings with them whilst my ex husband is still around with another new girlfriend. Your sister needs to respect you, simple as that. As for your family, its his family as well. Maybe you should seek therapy and find happiness and respect for yourself! My husband was a diagnosed narcissistic sociopath and I now suffer from CPTSD as a result of the abuse during the marriage and from the aftermath of the divorce. My ex asked me to abort our children and knocked me on the ground when I was 8 months pregnant. Am I overreacting or is my frustration justified? I know this is from a few years ago, but you sound extremely self absorbed & I cant agree on any capacity that you have ever put your kids before yourself on this topic. Really? He might slouch or be unkempt, only to suddenly straighten up and fix his clothes and hair when he notices you're near. I am always civil with/to him and never say anything bad about him to or in front of my kids. How did you over come this? My Neice just got married. I have a similar situation. Tell him to go to hell, especially since hes already moved on. I was tired of being hateful. One last thing my parents went to thier graves not knowing the truth about our brackup they had assumed it was because of me but the truth is it was the ex who cheated. My mum keeps in contact with my ex who I was with for 6 months and who was abusive towards me. Wouldnt he rather be with her? Thats a worse gift than a chia pet or a crochet toilet paper cover. The consensus of opinion here would suggest that this is the majority opinion. It makes me cry too, as a 40yr old grown ass dad man. You didnt say anything about what led to your divorce. Youll know that when hes 100% focused on you. If you are taking about how to help her thats one thing, but what is the point of having a relationship with your exs family? He calls my ex all the time to talk to my daughter. Are you going to make your children choose sides are you going to really be the one who already decided to tear your family apart but to make each of them choose a side. The lightbulb finally came on that my husband was emotionally abusive, financially abusive and beginning to get physically abusive. There have been times where his family has visited us, and his Ex has used the teenage son (at the time) to put her on the phone, pass the phone around and have her talk to all of the guests in OUR HOME. Don't have an account? Maybe you should try to be more considerate of your familys feelings. He immediately started living with the girl he cheated with. Start going and act like you are perfectly fine with him being there. My divorce turned my sisters into 2 people I do not recognize anymore and caused me the greatest pain of my divorce and my life. Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended! The one person who has been supportive to Me, and my dad shakes his hand. Never did she say he was abusive. I have a Sister whos befriended my Xs new wife on FB it hurts Me so bad ! My mom has gone as far as telling me thats it is my fault and Im at fault for the feelings I have, my family wanted nothing to do with my ex until the death of my twin. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. So I sit by and watch him get his do over My relationship with my parents are much colder than they were, but I at least still talk with them because they only knew about my sister and didnt say anything. I also feel there is more to the story than the original comment. You divorced him, your family didnt. I am not saying this is what your family is doing just sharing how I would feel if I were in your shoes. You cant expect to bring someone into your life, share your family with that person for 10+ years and then expect everything to stop because you dont want to be around them any more. Wheres the family loyalty?? Your mother sounds awful. No matter how hard I try to not let it bother me, it does. Soon after my divorce, my ex started attending all of my nephews ball games. My mom said because of how it would effect my brother. My husband and he were very good friends. Because I sincerely believe that hes got your best interests at heart. Reply to Chris Chris. But worse. She is 8 now. That post was delusional and makes me sick. Deal with it. For one they are his kids too. I completely understand how you feel. His ex wife also has bipolar disorder which is a big part of why they divorced. What is really even more disturbing is the fact your family is participating doing this with him even though they know they are hurting you. During the 2nd week he started shacking with a woman he met at a club in my Mothers rental. He he is not doing anything wrong then whats the problem. She has the problem precisely because of their unsupportive and downright strange behaviour. The moment the decided to get marry. I got a divorce and it was very very ugly. We had no children. It keeps me up at night and breaks my heart. You have 5!!! You were once a family and because you have children together and once shared a life together still makes you familly that will never change so you will have to get over it and accept thats its not about you or youre ex its about the children. You feel that way around him because of your past. Narcissist detected. Lets suppose you just entered into a relationship with a guy who seems to be doing all the right things, such as: Its as if he routinely does all the right things. as for your children, they need to be okay with his girlfriend, but you are their mom and they need to realize you come first before her always. When I discovered this I chose to divorce him as he was behaving dangerously. Your last sentence says it all. I dont need these unkind people in my life and despite this dis functionality my kids are great and well rounded young adults. Just because they are your family, doesnt mean they have to agree with you. They would respect your wishes and distance themselves from the ex, not go out of their way to include him in every way. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. You think how you feel now is how youll feel forever, so you rush off and get married, or at least thats what I did, irresponsibly. The OP is now left alone and cant raise issues as they will be seen to be the difficult one, thekne causing issues, which further then paints the ex as this amazing person. Your feelings are justified. Its your life. I got my answer, when Im no longer here. I had to fight off a TPO that later the judge threw out. You had a relationship with them and have wonderful children who also want a relationship with them. Very naive and gullible. I totally understand where you are coming from! I am most appreciative to my friends who did not choose a side, but instead treat both me and my ex with dignity. Every week it is something else with the guy and every week my wife finds herself defending herself with her family. I guess I should laughthe two of them can have each other. Good luck i hope it helps, keep us posted:D. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Then ask yourself why theyre still in touch, and find out how often and in what way they have contact. it is not normal to keep the ex in the family even if he is a nice person. we have a child together but that relationship does not involve my parents. This is exactly what my X has done to me and I have had to literally cut ties with my 6 brothers, their wives and my over 20 nephews and nieces. I've had exes whose mothers I feel certain loved me more than them (well, I intuited it), and it can be sad to stop hanging out. Can he love me too if he still loves his ex? I just found out that he talked to hes mom about her and that she blocked him witch means their were in contacted It has nothing to do with his ex. Husband has been obsessed with another woman UPDATE: My (23F) ex (24M) tried to kill himself because i [19F][22M] My boyfriend called me an emotional abuser How do I (19F) stop getting aroused by everything my Press J to jump to the feed. Your daughter is. When he left I never asked where he was going I assumed it would be to one of the women which was okay with me ..I was done. This is a lot for a mother of 5 to have to deal with emotionally on her own already.. and then to have your family invite your ex instead of you. If not, there should be no renewed friendship.. This kind of thing has continued, and I have distanced myself from her and her family. I ate a little wasnt really hungry. I could not even tell my own family. But your family should understand that unfortunately severing ties with your Ex comes with the territory of divorce. It is a powerless feeling and sometimes I feel so insignificant I wonder if should just end my life. You can suck it up and be an adult in the situation. They dont bring her up around me anymore. He wanted to maintain his relationship with my family but I clearly told him and my family no.

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